Some Words in Herstory

Got my W2s finally. Getting back about a grand.
Want to get an iPad, will go to New Jersey for a visit instead.

(still nothing from the canyon) 

The following is a rough memory of  what was said, but obviously this was the best argument ever.

Me: I get off work at four thirty
Her: Ok, I'll be drunk by then but you can drive back home!
Me: Can't you just wait until after four thirty to start drinking?
Her: No.
Me: Ok, then I'll find another way to get home. Don't bother picking me up.
Her: No, I'll come get you.
Me: Oh so you're going to wait to drink?
Her: No.
Me: I don't understand why it's so hard for you not to drive drunk. I mean is it really so hard to wait?
Her: Fine, I'll put my life on hold to pick you up from work, again.  

Yeah. That happened. 

I self-sabotage. If this were a vlog or some kind of spoken thing I would let a dramatic pause happen there. And then repeat it for the sake of the powerful revelation, ...which you all already know about me. Which I also already know about me but knowing and realizing and understanding are all entirely different beasts, right?

I was thinking the other night about my habit of self-sabotage and how I've had some really amazing opportunities in my life, all of which I've allowed to fall flat. I've been so focused on the negative for the past, oh let's say 10 years that I've missed out on things that could have been really good for me, if only I'd worked to make it happen. I let myself get side tracked and I fall too easily into escapism and refuse, outright refuse, to face problems that I encounter head on. This has been the failing and story of my life. So instead of making good happen I fail, because I self-sabotage. And I was thinking, wouldn't it be wonderful if I could just go back, if I could take one of my many missed opportunities and go back? What if I could make right something that I'd ruined for myself? Then I realized I can.

The Grand Canyon isn't perfect, not by any means. But it is an opportunity for a lot of good. Yes, I left the Grand Canyon because I was crippled by depression. But it wasn't the place. It was the situation, and that was a situation that I'd put myself into. 

I'm going back (if they'll re-hire me) and I'm going to do this for real this time. I'm going to take advantage of every opportunity that place provides. It's cheap living, so I can put away money. There's a cheap gym there for employee use, so I can get fit. There's a Catholic church here, so I can go and get those issues dealt with. There's free therapy available for employees by a licensed psychiatrist, so I can go and get my head straight. 

So, I guess we'll see what happens. 

 I called the Canyon today. HR said that I had to resubmit my application. I talked to Amy, my old manager and she said that it's funny that I'm calling, that she and Brian (a co-worker) were talking about me today. He said that he thought that I'd be coming back soon. Weird huh?

So I resubmitted my application, with appropriate additional job experience. 

I'm pretty sure I'll get rehired. Maybe later tonight I'll post more about what I'm doing here and the thought process that led me to this decision. 

So tomorrow I'm going to call Xanterra and see about going back to work at the Canyon in the Spring.